New Orleans: A Tale of Two Titties

Seeing the debauchery of New Orleans at Mardi Gras reminds me that this is an event sanctioned by the Catholic church. Self-depraved Mardi Gras behavior kicks off self-depriving Lent.

Eat, drink and show your tits, Mary, absolution is at hand.


Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Biblically epic Katrina washed away a multitude of the Crescent City’s sin; but you can’t kill spirit. As the flood waters subsided, a gorgeously stunning, masked New Orleans beauty emerged from the depths of despair, dripping in Mississippi mud, reeking of etouffe, and dressed head-to-toe in elaborate purple, green and gold Phoenix feathers.

Mardi Gras.

For the two weeks leading up to Mardi Gras Day, different parades -- named after mythological characters like Endymion or Zeus -- roll through the streets of New Orleans. Giant colorful floats pulled by old groaning, gas-spewing tractors carry masked members of the Krewes that make up each organization’s parade. The float’s riders throw out strings of plastic beads and trinkets to the screaming throngs. Fantastic local school’s marching bands sashay down the street, dramatically swinging their trumpets in jazzy, high-stepping unison. They sparkle with glittery costumes. The city’s brightness flashes from their gleaming smiles.

Being invited to be in one of these Krewes is coveted in New Orleansian society. Membership in these elite social clubs is often passed down from generation to generation, like a trust fund, or close-set eyes.

I’ve been coming to Mardi Gras since I was knee high to a drag queen. I love to join the unwashed, drunk masses in the streets, encouraging men and women to show me something.

No matter what you promised your mother or your dignity, you’ll find yourself jumping up and down, screaming and begging for beads. If you have breasts of any sort, flashing them gets you more beads. And your picture taken. These images, and actual viruses, go viral at Mardi Gras. Take a shot, get a shot.
 

If you think the Krewe members are wasting money casting plastic pearls before swine as they ride through the streets, think again. They throw hope and joy. Watch an old lady with a home perm flirt with a rider, hoping that he still finds her desirable enough to toss beads her way. He does. She catches them and clutches them to her chest. She looks down at her prize, and I hear her shy smile whisper a fist-pumping, I still got it.

During Mardi Gras, this is the city that never sweeps. It's hot, wet mess. And crowded. Don’t let the thought of throngs intimidate you; the party is confined to a relatively small area of this legendary city, and you can easily duck off to a side street to pee in an alley or just sit and predict people’s number of steps before passing out.

I love the entire city. The architecture has great bones literally represented by black, precisely repetitive yet whimsical cast iron railings. New Orleans’ ethereal soul floats out of every kitchen. Her flesh reaches out and grabs you like a crazy old voodoo witch, sits you down at her table and feeds you till you are pacified with flavors you need not understand. The mighty Mississippi might not flow as the commercial life-blood Twain romanticized, but it’s still there, cuddling the bruised town with a healing caress, There there, child, momma’s here….. 

Come six o’clock on Mardi Gras day, firemen will unleash their frustration and hose down the streets and wash the city clean of its sins. If a reveler is baptized in their swath of fury, that cold force of water can blast away everything but the glorious memories.


Hit a Mardi Gras. In verse 13.3, Luke warns I tell you, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Not so in the Big Easy-- they have a better motto: laissez les bons temps rouler. Hell or high water.

2 comments:

  1. Something I probably will never see
    Seeing it through your words is probably as close as I will get.
    Thanks for the vacation
    :)
    The Greatest Show on Earth....
    Love it

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope they hose the streets down with antibacterial gel!

    ReplyDelete

I love your comments (except from you, you crazy)! Just submit them and I'll publish as soon as I finish my snack.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...